Written to you from a place within me that is honest, yet humble.
Blunt, yet humorous.
And with love: as always.
ORIGINAL COFFEE SCRUB
200g of tough love.
- 1 waterproof kraft bag.
- 76 robusta coffee beans.
- 30ml cold pressed almond oil.
- The essence of 2 oranges.
- A dash of salt (14g).
- A healthy dose of vitamin e.
- A sprinkle of sugar (14g).
- A splash of water.
- 1 minute getting naked.
- 3 minutes getting dirty.
- 5-10 minutes getting rough.
- 200 (thousand) failed selfie attempts.
- 100 acceptable selfie attempts.
- 5-6 minutes trying to strike a sexy but cute pose.
- 15-30 minutes picking the right filter.
- 6-8 thoughts regarding the right hash tags.
- 2 minutes getting clean.
- 4 minutes trying to wash coffee grinds down the sink.
- 3 giant spits to get me out of your mouth (it’s alright, I won’t judge you).
- 2 squeals because I accidentally got in your hair.
- 1 fleeting moment where you want to eat me.
- 2 longer moments of you contemplating the effects if you actually did eat me.
- 1 “what are you doing in there” comment from your curious boyfriend.
- 1 “who the _____ is frank?” question from your slightly jealous boyfriend.
- 3-4 minutes wrestling your boyfriend into the shower.
- 2 minutes getting dirty together.
- 4 minutes laughing and scrubbing.
- 2 weeks fighting over me.
- 30-40 minutes of post scrub self-appreciation for how soft your skin now is.
- 4-5 sniffs of your now lightly scented skin.
- 3-5 phone calls to friends to tell them they should experience #thefrankeffect
- 2 days of asking people to feel your skin.
- 1-2 minutes of love for frank.
I urge you to take the above with a grain of salt.
Or a speck of coffee #letsbefrank.