Even if little white lies came in pink. They’re still lies.

Even if little white lies came in pink. They’re still lies.

I don’t like my babes being led down the garden path. Unless that garden has an outdoor shower. Then I could be convinced. But #letsbefrank, sometimes you listen to those old wives’ tales and myths, and they get the better of you.

So I am going to give it to you straight. And where do I start? Where I always start: boobs.

Myth #1: “Wearing a bra to bed will stop your breasts from sagging.”

Just like a wild animal, your boobies need to be let loose. They’ve spent all day trapped like lions in a cage (your bra), getting pushed up and suffocated by all that lace and padding, when all they want to do is roam free. Some like to hang left; others right. But some babes believe they’ll hang low unless they hold them up 24/7.

The truth: Let those lions loose. There’s no evidence that wearing a bra to bed stops sagging. If anything, it’s mighty uncomfortable and can cause irritation. And #letsbefrank, you look great with nothing on.

Try: accepting that gravity is a real thing.

Myth #2: “Push-ups (of the exercise variety) will turn your A’s into D’s.”

This is a tricky one. Strength training won’t change the shape of your breasts or the way they sit. What it will change are the muscles underneath your boobs, which can make the chest appear more developed, but only slightly.

The truth: 100 push-ups won’t take you from an A to a D-Cup. But #letsbefrank the only cup I care about is the size of your coffee cup.

Try: Enjoying what you’ve got, babes.

Myth #3: “Toothpaste gets rid of pimples.”

It cleans your chompers, so maybe it’ll clean that spot? Not quite babe.

The truth: Toothpaste contains ingredients that cause pimples to dry out, which can cause it to peel. So while it looks like it’s helped, it can destroy pimples in an aggressive way. And you don’t want anything agro on those sweet cheeks of yours.

Try: accepting that gravity is a real thing.

Myth #4: “Decaf coffee is caffeine-free.”

I love your little quests babe, but decaf coffee? Come on.

The truth: Coffee can’t be completely decaffeinated. A cup of decaf will still have about 10-20% of the caffeine of a regular coffee. So if you’re drinking 10 cups of decaf a day, you might as well just have one regular coffee.

Try: one coffee in the morning, peppermint tea in the afternoon and chamomile tea in the evening.

Myth #5: “He hasn’t text back, so he’s probably busy.”

He’s super swamped at work right now, is helping his grandma move into her new house, he also volunteers at a soup kitchen and is training for a marathon.

The truth: He’s a dick.

Try: Finding someone better.

Ain’t that the truth.

x frank.

Even if little white lies came in pink. They’re still lies.