The casual hookup.
Beware, babe. ‘Casual’ sounds like fun, like when you ‘casually’ order another margarita but when it comes to dating, it means something else: not giving a f___k. Not all babes can do it and by the time you’ve realised you’re one of them, you’re 10 scoops deep into a tub of ice-cream. For first timers, this is how to nail it.
Step one. Find a target. (one look at you, they’ll have no hope).
Wink, no wave, no wink. Wait, no, stop, drop and roll. ‘Act natural’
Step three .Be the honey pot aka, let the bee come to the trap. You’ll be surprised how much someone says when you say so little.
Step four. Realise they have run out of things to say. Don’t stop talking so they can’t escape.
Step five. Final drinks. You’re on the home stretch and just scored yourself winning ticket.
Later that evening… Cassssually slip out, call your best babes and order yourself a burger, you deserve it.
The next day… Don’t. Freak. out.
Repeat steps one to five as needed.
The 3am text
You’re 10 minutes deep into a 15 minutes facemask in your most comfortable (ugly) pyjamas and the, you hear a bing. The message reads ‘you, up?’ you most certainly are – up for a night of conspiracy documentaries but this isn’t what the message is about.
You have two options:
- Initiate BDE and go.
Prep: Cover yourself in my Shimmer Scrub – it’ll make you smooth, glowing and look like a go-go girl.
Arrive: Looking relaxed but in control: you know what’s coming so you want to feel like a pro even if you were group chatting conversation starters in the Uber over.
Talk … #letsbefrank, you’re not here for chit-chat
Relax: this should be fun, so don’t be afraid to be silly. If it’s too much, say no and leave. Don’t do something to please someone else, protect yourself babe.
Stay: for omelettes in the morning, preferably with chilli and a morning wake-up call.
The ‘friend with benefits’
Good friends tell, great friends share. Like half their sandwich or all their bed. #letsbefrank, this one isn’t for the faint of heart but nevertheless….
Step one: Find a friend.
Step two: Wine (more is better).
Step three: ‘Accidently have a sleepover’
Step four: Say, ‘We should do this again’
Step five: Watch this video of a rabbit eating a raspberry
Step six: Repeat steps 1-5 until you:
a) Get bored
b) Catch feels and need to talk.
c) Meet someone else
d) Are married with 3 kids and forget how you got together in the first place
Lucky for you babe, I can take things fast and slow.