It’s Sunday morning and you’re having flashbacks to a man-babe you chatted up last night.
He’s on your mind and your hand is grabbing for your phone. But, where do you begin?
Right here, babe.
Because unlike you, we are simple creatures and are turned on by the simplest of things.
These include GIFs and deep-fried food. So here’s how you intertwine both of those things, while asking us out, too.
- Kick things off with a question, so he has something to respond to. “I know we were smashed last night, so shall we get smashed (avo) again today?”
- Make it memorable. Eg. ‘I have a pug. I make a mean lasagne. I speak Spanish.’ This will grab their attention, trust me.
- Send a GIF: nothing shows your humour like a GIF. Relate it back to last night’s conversation. For example, you have a mutual love for nachos. What could be better than a GIF of a squirrel eating nachos. Get my drift?
- Compliment them: say they looked damn fine dressed as that drag queen or they have a nice smile. Dial it up, or down. You choose.
- Surprise them: tell them to get ready, you’re going out somewhere. Nothing is sexier than confidence. You go, girl.
- Don’t be ‘too’ cool: one word, blunt answers can come across cold and disinterested. And ALWAYS give them something to reply to. Avoid the ‘Heyyyy’. Do that, I kill you.
- Don’t send one million texts at once. Say it in one go. They ain’t your BFF.
- Don’t use abbreviations – use the English language. So, that’s no: WTF, LMAO, AF and the SMH. Use words the way they are spelt and make sure they’re spelt correctly.
- Don’t swear: use other words to express yourself or if all else fails, use an emoji. You can download mine at the App Store, just search for ‘frank body’.
Once you’ve hit send, jump into the shower with me and throw your phone into a river. Better yet, turn it off and give yourself a time later in the day to look at it again.
Didn’t get a response? Well, he must be dead. I can’t figure out why else he wouldn’t write back.
Write to me. I always write back.