What you should probably avoid saying when your workplace breaks out the eggnog…

“I think I’m in love with you.”

Think? Well that’s a bad start right there. Even if he’s McDreamy, there are lines that probably shouldn’t be crossed. Better yet, quit your job, declare your love and skip away happily into the mountains. Remember where you are, babe: at work.

“I hate my job / I quit.”

No matter how much you dislike what you do for a living or what existential crisis you’re going through, this is a no go – leave this conversation for another time, with your boss, when you’re sober. A Christmas party is just that – a party. Enjoy it. Even with Trevor from Accounting hitting on you all night.

“Screw you, Janice.”

Look, some people don’t like Janice either. But it’s no time to tell her. Remember it’s Christmas and Janice could be locked up at home with her six cats but she’s spending it with you. Appreciate that, silence your alcohol-fuelled candidness and get to know her a bit. Besides, my mummas and papas always taught me that you should treat others the way you would like to be treated. So, grab a handful of mince pies and be on your merry way. Still agitated after 10 mince pies? Maybe it’s your hormones, babe.

“Just one more drink.”

When has saying this ever led to something good? And if you’ve never said it, now is not the time to try new things. Know your limits and pace yourself. Slow and steady wins the race – and keeps their dignity. Instead, go home and read your 2018 horoscope.

“This seems like a good idea.”

#letsbefrank it’s not, babe.

If you do end up saying something that you shouldn’t have, come home and I’ll wash away your regrets. Some of these might not come off so easy, so I suggest starting with the scrub that started it all. Remember, I’ve got your back (and your front). After all, you’re always on my naughty list.

Happy holidays,

frank x