All hail the coconut.

The way coconuts are going they may one day help us find world peace. Or fix the over-programming of reality television. Or perhaps they are the same thing. We’ll have to wait and see.

They’re loved worldwide for their health benefits and for the way they look like boobies.

But how else can these hairy balls of fun help us? Oh, babe – let me tell you.

They help tame your frizzies.

That hair on your head, that hair on your eyebrows: let’s smooth those puppies down. My new Coconut Body Balm will hold them in place, so you can go wild in other areas of life. Like showing the world your coconuts, for example.

They support you for when you forget your bra – or bikini.

This is your chance to get all survivor, babe. I’ve seen my babes rush out the door without the appropriate boobie brace. Grab a coconut, cut it in a half and wrap it around your bod with some string. Innovative, babe.

They can lift you when you break a heel.

Coconut clogs anyone? I don’t know how you’ll do this, but if you manage to please share it on Instagram @frank_bod. What can I say? Babe got skills.

They can make your Sunday a fun day.

Wipe out your sore head from last night’s espresso martinis with this concoction. Grab a fresh coconut (no, not the coconuts on your best babe) and add a shot of espresso to the coconut water. Now drink. It will boost your mind and hydrate your body. So you’ll be a good kind of coco-loco.

They can be used for weaponry when your boyfriend / girlfriend is being a dick.

Throwing punches is one thing; throwing coconuts is another. And sometimes, silly people deserve a coconut in their face. I’ve also heard rumours that covering them in coconut oil is another solution. Please test and report back.

The moral of this story? If you’ve got 99 problems, a coconut can solve some.

My new Babe Island skincare kit has two coconuts (for your two coconuts, wink): my Coconut Coffee Scrub and brand spankin’ new Coconut Body Balm to buff away dry skin and smooth over dreary days and any thoughts of work / in-laws / ex.

You’ll be so carefree you might just get your coconuts out.

And that’s fine by me, babe.

x frank